Intimacy defined your way.
Emotional and physical closeness involving various ways of expressing affection that fosters a deep emotional connection - this can be emotional and/or physical.
Name: Ben & Andrew
Age: 50 & 37
The closeness that we share is sexy! The ways in which we express intimacy transcends our differences in age. From day one, we engaged in open and honest conversations about our sexual health, which included discussing STI and HIV testing. Being aware of Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) to prevent HIV, Undetectable equals Untransmittable (U=U) meaning that people living with HIV who have an undetectable viral load can not transmit HIV to their sexual partners, Doxycycline post-exposure prophylaxis (Doxy PEP) to prevent certain bacterial sexually transmitted infections (STIs) after condomless sex has enhanced our physical and emotional connection. Sex never gets old!
Name: Fred & Janelle
Age: 70 & 72
We connected during the first week as newer residents in our senior living community. Neither of us was looking for anything serious but we agreed that we enjoyed spending time together just talking and laughing. Occasionally we spend time cuddling and just holding each other as neither of us had experienced intimacy for many years prior to moving into the senior living community. We recently had our first conversation about whether we wanted more in terms of intimacy and discussed STIs and HIV. How things will evolve are still to be determined but what we know for sure is that, sex never gets old!
Name: Dexter & Fred
Age: 59 & 70
Friends with benefits may mean something different depending on who you ask. For us, friends with benefits means that we engage with each other on an intimate level. Part of our intimacy includes having open and honest conversations about sexual health. Discussing STI and HIV testing is a part of those conversations which enhances our intimacy. Our relationship is special as is our intimacy. Sex never gets old!
Name: Maria & Clyde
Age: 75 & 79
We’ve been together for over 50 years. Cuddling, hugging, holding hands and just being physically close are ways that we express our intimacy. While the frequency and ways that we connect sexually may have changed over the years, having open and honest conversations about our sexual health has enhanced our physical and emotional connection. We keep aging but sex never gets old!
What does Intimacy mean to you?
HANC surveyed adults 50 years of age and older to gain their insight. The following quotes are direct, unedited responses from individuals who responded to the survey.
While intimacy remains important, older adults may face challenges like physical changes, reduced libido, or lack of privacy, which can be navigated through open communication, exploring different forms of intimacy, and seeking support when needed.
(Cisgender, Age Range: 61-71)
Intimacy can take many forms but ultimately, it is about trust.
(Female, Black, Age Range: 61-71)
Sharing deeper feelings out loud to someone and hearing their own deeper feelings. Being completely vulnerable and still safe with another person.
(Male, Caucasian, Age Range: 61-71)
Sharing private moments with others like cuddling or talking about hopes, fears, feelings.
(Male, Asian, Age Range: 50-60)
Holding hands, cuddling, talking and quality time together.
(Male, Black, Age Range: 72-82)
For me, I like to express intimacy through touch, hugs or holding hands, as well as through open communication, sharing experiences, and mutual support. I believe it is about feeling loved, valued, and connected, regardless of age or physical ability.
(Female, African American, Age Range: 50-60)
Closeness, having a like-minded companion that can express themselves whether they are sexually active or not and not feel ashamed of just being together without the need to perform sexually. Being able to communicate well with someone your thoughts and desires are and not always having that lead to the physical.
(Female, Black, Age Range: 72-82)
Quality time with my lover.
(Female, Black, Age Range: 61-71)
As I've matured (as opposed to aged) I've learned that intimacy is way more than sexual contact even though society conflates the two. I can be very intimate with someone and have no sexualized contact or have sex without any intimacy. Intimacy is about sharing selves with another and ideally, this happens on many, if not all, levels.
(Cisgender Male, Human, Age Range: 50-60)
Intimacy
Intimacy can be a vital part of your sexual wellness. Intimacy encompasses emotional closeness and physical affection at any age. Physical changes as we age can affect sexual activity, but the need for intimacy in all its forms remains. A 2012 study in the American Journal of Medicine found that, among women (average age 67), emotional and physical intimacy (like touching or caressing) often contributed more to sexual satisfaction than intercourse1. Older adults can maintain fulfilling intimate relationships through open communication, adapting to changes, and exploring different ways to connect.
Emotional intimacy is feeling connected, loved, and valued by another person. European longitudinal data (SHARE study) show that emotional intimacy is a stronger predictor of sexual well-being than frequency of sexual activity among couples aged 50+2. Emotional intimacy may be expressed through non-sexual touch, communication, mutual care, and shared experience.
Physical intimacy can include cuddling, holding hands, massage, and other forms of non-sexual touch. There are so many ways to express love and desire.
Older adults experience challenges and opportunities with intimacy. Age-related changes and health conditions can affect sexual function and desire, shifting perspectives in intimacy. Emotional connection and non-sexual forms of affection may become more important than in younger years. Among older LGBTQ+ adults, 60% report being sexually active and interested in intimacy, despite facing stigma or healthcare discrimination3.
Growing older means redefining intimacy and what it means to you. A focus on emotional closeness or other forms of physical affection may be the missing piece in your sexual wellness toolkit. A large majority of older Americans remain sexually active well into later life and many consider intimacy to be an important part of life4.
What does intimacy look like to you? Talk to your partner(s) about building better emotional and physical intimacy, in the way that is important to you.
1Trompeter, S. E., Bettencourt, R., & Barrett-Connor, E. (2012). Sexual activity and satisfaction in healthy community-dwelling older women. The American Journal of Medicine, 125(1), 37–43. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.amjmed.2011.07.026
2Štulhofer, A., Jurin, T., Graham, C., Janssen, E., & Træen, B. (2019). Emotional intimacy and sexual well-being in aging European couples: A cross-cultural mediation analysis. European Journal of Ageing, 17(1), 43–54. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10433-019-00509-x
3SAGE & National Resource Center on LGBTQ+ Aging
4Lindau, S. T., Schumm, L. P., Laumann, E. O., Levinson, W., & Waite, L. J. (2007, August 23). A study of sexuality and health among older adults in the United States. New England Journal of Medicine, 357(8), 762–774. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMoa067423
Explore the Sexual Health Spectrum
Sexual Wellness
An important state of physical, emotional, and social well-being related to sexuality focused on the possibility of engaging in pleasurable experiences throughout the human lifespan.
Disclaimer
Images feature models for illustrative purposes only. Stories are fictionalized and not based on actual people or events. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.